I got to shove an old lady and physically move some kid out of my way AND crowd surf all this morning on my way to work. (not as cool as Larry's tale of the bus stopping right outside our door but that is another post and another blog) Serioulsy, what is it with public transportation that reduces people to utter retards? Don't stand in the fucking door you morons, that's what we use to get on and off the train. I actually had to grab a child (or midget) by the shoulders and move them aside this morning so I could get off the train b/c the phrase "EXCUSE ME" was not working.
Other tales from the CTA you desire? Okay, well last friday the cold killed my iPod, affectionatly named "pinicius" b/c it's pink. I was therefore forced to endure my fellow riders for the 45-85 minute ride to downtown (it's a crap shoot everyday with CTA). So about 5 ft in front of me I had three old men discussing 70's basketball in Utah. What what?? Utah? Basketball? The Raging Gold Plates? Anyway, as I tried to tune that argument out I became of another noise. One that was coming form behind me. It was unholy. There was a midget (no shit this time, not a kid, a really person, not a dwarf, but a midgit) making mouth noises. Not just any mouth noises either, but something my brother coined as "nyup nyups." ACK! She just kept making this damned noise all the way down town! She even moved over a seat, but I could still hear them. . ."nuyp nyup nyup nyup nyup nyup nyup. . ." Ryan and I used to do that to annoy each other, we ended the "game" or "torture" by yelling "NO MORE NUYP NYUPS!!" Could I yell this to a total stranger? I did a double take to make sure this wasn't my esteemed younger sibling playing a horrible trick on me, and no it wasn't. I ended up having to put my dead head phones in my ears and listen to the muffled sounds of " you know the mghfpt in the bfftpt...nuyp nyup nyup..."
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4 comments:
Listen, I understand. Every morning I get on the lightrail and sit in the first car. If I'm late and I have to run I get smushed to death in the second car. Even if you sit in the first car you still have to sit by the door otherwise you CAN'T GET OFF. Nobody wants to move and they look at me as though to say "bitch, I want your seat" and inevitably everyone or at least someone smells like urine or skunk and someone always has a giant bag of recyclables or no teeth or a coffee they don't seem capable of holding onto. No midgets yet. No kids. But if there were I'd have to give up my seat to them. So it's just me, the homeless, and the ENTIRE population of the Sunset district. Did I mention the homeless? Yeah, they all hang out at the Beach since the mayor threw them out of the Park. Ummm fantastic. I feel so much safer walking my dog in my neighborhood between the Beach and the Park. Fantastic, because Clifford is just so terrifying with his floofy tail and 14 lbs of lean dachshund muscle. He at least has a 80lb dog size bark which is great if I get attacked by a blind person.
Your lives are so very different than mine.
Although, coincidentally, I found out this weekend that a friend of mine has a brother who IS AN ACTUAL MIDGET. From Texas. Weird, huh?
I've always found Texan midgets particularly alarming.
And though I have witnessed some of the wonders of the San Francisco MUNY, I must say my Lou-life consists of no in-my-face smells or personages... just really, excessively bad drivers. Oh, and a section of I-64 that smells vaguely of burnt toast.
Remember that section of the highway through Cincinnati (whose number I forget) that smelled like beer? Actually, it smelled kind of like bread, but far grosser, and was the result of a beer-brewing factory.
Mmmm. Beer-brewing factory.
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