Thursday, September 28, 2006

Point-Something Sexybitches Winetastic Roadtrip, '07, pt.2

Ladies- I propose the Keuka Lake wineries. Not only will it guarantee we hit Bully Hill, but these wineries are also on this lake:

1. Hunt Country Vineyards
2. Keuka Spring Winery
3. Rooster Hill Vineyards
4. Barrington Cellars & Buzzard Crest Vineyards
5. McGregor Vineyard Winery
6. Keuka Overlook Wine Cellars
7. Bully Hill
8. Heron Hill Winery
9. Dr. Konstantin Frank's Vinifera Wine Cellars

This is not the largest of the lake and therefore doesn't have the most wineries, but we can always detour over to Seneca Lake if time allows.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Boobarella and I have a proposition to make to all of you and we're very serious about it. We were talking over the weekend about how both of us will be celebrating our 30th birthdays this winter (mine, December; hers, January). And then we talked about how we knew others who have birthdays around the same time and how it would be really nice to just have one big birthday party. Too bad it's in the winter. And that's when I said, "What about HALF birthday? That would be Juneish?"

Here we extend our invitation: We would like to celebrate 30.5 by getting together all of our groovy friends in one place. Namely, a tour of the wineries around one of the Finger Lakes in upstate New York. We'll go in May/June/July, all fly in to the same airport (what was it? Buffalo?) rent a car (or cars, depending on how many of you would like to participate), and hit a bunch of wineries, staying in bed and breakfasts, relaxing on the occasional beach, and, oh yeah, hitting wineries.

It'll be like "Sideways," only all girls and no dysfunctional-emotional crap. This advance notice gives everyone time to plan and to save up money. And yes, we are totally serious. If none of the rest of you want to, we're going ourselves. But we'd really like other people to come. We promise to play "Dream Phone." Who's in?

Monday, September 25, 2006

Dream Phone

We have to say, "Where the fuck is Jenny?" Because Boobarella and Wingal be doing all kinds of crazy shit, and she ain't here. Dude... Southwest... "DING! You are now free to move about the country... bitch." This posting is a team effort.

So, Boobarella likes teenage boys. Two rounds of "Dream Phone," and she got both Jamal and Spencer. Wingal is pissed, as all she's gotten is a glass of water with a strawberry in it and a dog shart. Thank you, Fezzi.

Isn't Bruce dreamy? In a 12-year-old-in-the-closet kind of way?

We went to a wedding in Grand Rapids. Had a better chance with the young studs of "Dream Phone," though they were about the same age as the guests at the wedding. Never been to a wedding before where we didn't know half the music. The highlight was when the Mother of the Bride asked the bride and bridesmaids: "Who's THAT slut?" No, not us. For a change.

Then we drove back on 94W to Chicago. Construction of the sort that caused severe ass vibration... Fo' Real. About 10 miles of it, that culminated in orgasmic screams of joy when the construction ceased to be. No, seriously. Instead of a satisfying cigarette, a Donette. Chocolate variety. Eaten whole. Just like my last date. Said Boobarella. Whose husband is in England. I told you she was popular with the prepubescent boys. Yeeeee-ah, bitch.

There were excretions.

And puddings. And wine. And more wine. All that's left is gin. And 1/8 of tequila. Mixed: Tequila No-Sunrise.

Tomorrow we're going to see another prepubescent boy. A dead one. Tut. Funky Tut.

And she'll get him too. *SIGH*

Friday, September 22, 2006

Write a Caption... #4

Come on ladies, let's get this party started. Again.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Papillon Senility

Abby is a 16.5 year old, eight pound Papillon. (I'll post a picture tomorrow, after I've scanned one.) She is sliding into senility, which I think is to be expected of a dog that is, in dog years, close to 113. How do we know she's senile? Well...

1. She gets lost in the front yard, and is only called back by loud clapping.
2. She can't find a treat you put directly in front of her face, though she intuitively knows if you're making spaghetti or have entered the house with fried food.
3. Owing to loss of depth perception, she jumps off of furniture like a flying squirrel (limbs out wide; a leap of faith).
4. If you call for her, she turns her head every which way and then goes to my Mom.
5. She leaves the room if she senses the presence of: a fly, nail clippers, nail file, scissors, or my neice.
6. She has taken to napping under the dining room table and inevitably hits her head on the table rungs when she gets up.
7. If you pick her up, she goes Tasmanian Devil on you.
8. If Dad puts his left hand in the air, she barks at him like a mad thing.
9. Ditto if he starts to fall asleep.
10. If you ask for her paw, with her head down she looks up and to the side at you, and you stop asking.
11. She paces from the livingroom to the bedrooms and back about 100 times a day.
12. She has to go outside and get lost in the yard every half hour.
13. After 16 years she finally discovered the fire hydrant at the edge of our yard. It's always been there.
14. She still sleeps on my bed, but only until 3:45 a.m. Then she goes out to her own.
15. She still runs around in circles like a crazy puppy... she just does it for no reason, runs into more stuff, and passes out sooner.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Puppies, Croissants, and World Peace

So my sister recently asked me what I want for my upcoming birthday and, after considering carefully, I told her homemade croissants and World Peace. Of course, she naturally assumed that by "World Peace" I meant her beagle-mix Sophie. I immediately realized that, even after knowing her for nearly 29 years, I still have no idea how her brain works. But it got me thinking. (Although not hard.) For the last two-and-a-half minutes I have been exhaustively analyzing and pondering her words ("By World Peace, I assume you mean Sophita"). And I have come to several conclusions:

1. If everyone in the world had a dog, we'd probably have a real shot at World Peace. It's hard to think about nuking your neighbor when your dog thinks of him as "Mr. Delicious Biscuit, that guy who knows exactly where my Perpetual Itch is located."

2. If Osama bin Laden had a dog, we'd have caught him months ago when he left the cave to walk his furry friend early one morning. Dogs need lots of exercise after all. Running from American troops is just one way to get it and for most dogs, it's probably not going to be enough.

3. Dogs make people we don't like more likeable. We might not like bin Laden even if he had a dog, but I bet we'd be more likely to say hello when we passed him on the street, and that would go a long way towards World Peace. (Wait - does George W. have a dog?)

4. Dogs would make great ambassadors. We'd have the whole world sharing from each other's water bowls, howling in unison, and sniffing butts together in no time. And at long last, I might add.

5. Instead of sending troops out, we should probably just ship loads of properly-weaned puppies to places like Iraq or North Korea. I think it would solve a lot of conflict.

6. My sister could probably use a ball of cream cheese rolled carefully around some kind of medication.

7. I could use some medication.

8. Dogs make great medication.

9. I really just need a dog for my birthday.

10. ...which is on October 9. Write that down.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Make it work!

So do you fine fine bitches watch Project Runway? It's on Bravo. It's really the only reality TV that I can stand for too long and it's hilarious. But the best part are these two queens:

Holy shit! Even if you don't watch the show their blog is awesome.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Pants-off Dance-off

Indeed! It is a real show: