Saturday, October 28, 2006

"Dragons: the Musical"

So let's face folks, there's a lot of people interested in the Middle Ages out there and not all of them have taken the time to, um, do any research on the time period. Sure they've seen "Braveheart", "Camelot", "Willow", and "Legend", but have they ever picked up a book that wasn't fiction? No. Not really.

So there it was, the script of "Dragons: the Musical", staring me in the face. At first I only caught the word "Dragon" which naturally peeked my interest. So I took it out of the box and started flipping through the crumbled and well used pages. The first thing my eyes alighted upon was the word "Charelmagne" as king of the play, the second was "Lancelot", and the third was...and get this..."Cat". Yes there is a part for a singing/talking/and interacting cat in this musical. A musical called "Dragons". Man, what do you do with that kind of information? First thing I thought was "Wow, I've never heard of it, it MUST be really bad." The second thing I thought was "Charlemagne and Lancelot in the same play? Really? They lived 300 years appart at the very least." And then I thought "Wait a minute Lancelot is a figment of some french dudes' imagination so it doesn't really matter where and when he gets placed so it must be okay, right?" And then I thought "Oh what the heck, this is gold! I can't wait to read this thing!!"

And now, dear friends, I impart this wonderful and delightfully corny information on to you--medievalists and non-medievalist alike. It's just too precious to keep to myself. Perhaps it is an excellent play. Perhaps it was underappreciated in '80's and is in need of a serious revival. Perhaps someday, someone will go: "Wait, a singing cat? Really? Gosh darn it all, this play is FANtastic! Let's get a troop together and start touring!!" Besides, I know the PERFECT french dinosaur to play "the Dragon"...and he can sing!!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Can I get a "Hell Yeah"?

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Jim Henson's "Fraggle Rock" is coming to the big screen.

The 1980s cult hit TV show is being developed by Ahmet Zappa -- younger son of Frank Zappa -- into a full-length live-action musical fantasy starring the classic characters.

Zappa -- a musician and TV personality who will serve as the project's executive producer -- is developing a treatment in which puppet stars Gobo, Wembley, Mokey, Boober and Red will travel from beneath the Rock and venture into the human world for the first time.

"The Fraggles didn't really get into the human world on the series, so we plan to make the movie more about the intersection between the Fraggles and the humans," Lisa Henson said.

Zappa is informally talking to musician friends about writing original songs for the movie. The original Henson puppets will be refurbished and updated for the film, with little expectation of computer-generated enhancements.

A release date has yet to be determined. Lisa Henson plans to hire a screenwriter and director once an initial treatment is completed.

When asked for a comment, Larry said:

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Margarita Girls for Co-Supreme Mistresses of the Universe

There's a calendar for purchase at Borders that has a countdown to the end of G.W.'s presidency. Each day marks one day less and names an important event in W's presidency that happened on said day (and they're not flattering events... which isn't entirely surprising). And each month is a different goofy-ass picture of him and an actual, Bush-like, nonsensical quote.

And I think that we should run, as a team, for World Dominatrixes. My Latin's disfunctioning... Dominatrices? What's the plural, Larry? Well, whatever it is, let's do it. Let's outline our platform. Just edit this post to tack on more, guys. I'll start.

1. Worldwide, universal healthcare.
2. Raise minimum wage to $12.00/hour.
3. Multi-million/billionaires can make no more than $200,000 a year and the rest of their earnings go to charities.
4. A stupidity tax will be levied on all those people who voted for G.W. or who fail to use their turn signals.
6. Every citizen receives an allotment of wine and chocolate brownies delivered to them biweekly. It's a lot. Of both.
7. Gerard Butler, Colin Firth, Hugh Jackman, Hugh Laurie, and Henry Rollins have to be my live-in personal assistants. I'm willing to share Henry with Boobarella... a sort of joint-custody arrangement; alternating weekends.
8. Pat Robertson and his followers will be exiled to Antarctica.
9. Any home worth more than $500,000 will be broken up to accomodate the homeless along with the current homeowners.
10. We will stop the manufacture of SUVs that get less than 28 mpg highway, belly shirts, mini-skirts, and Britney Spears CDs.
11. At age 16 every person must get a job in the customer-service industry so that they learn how to be respectful of others, how to be good consumers, and how to be self-sufficient and not mooch off their parents.

12. Implement the "Hennessy for Plutonium" program with North Korea and their bouffant-coiffed dictator for life, Kim Jong Il

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Boobarella's Favorite Kitchen Utensil

Do you have anything to declare?

Yes sir I am aware that my carry-on exceeds the legal limit. Oh, yes I can open my bag. Umm it's called Dream Phone. Dream Phone. No really look at the box. . no I'm not trying to be smart. Yes it's a game for pre-teen girls where you call boys and follow the clues to see who likes you. No I have never been to Tehran. No I don't know the boys actually...well no the game is fiction you call them on the fake pho..NO IT"S NOT A BOMB, jeeesus christ sir, it's a fake phone. Okay can you please uncuff me I'll show you how it works. That's a dial tone. Yeah, cell I'm not mocking you sir, I realize that you are old enough to be my dad, but you asked a question. Okay so see you dial the number on the phone and then the guy...NO STOP! AGH!! LET GO!! IT"S THE MYSTERY CALLER! Damnit, let me finish, the mystery caller calls with other clues. No I don't know who she is and if she has any ties to Al-Qaida. No, I bit that card because one time when I was playing...yes I have played this before...anyway one time when I was playing that boy gave me no help, but mocked me on the pho...yes I realize that the game is fake and me biting the card seem...well we were drunk and being sir I do not think your job is a game. Look, it's a harmless game that my girl friends and I are going to play on our not PISSWAR. It's just an abbriviation...for "point-something-sexybitches. . ." no sir I don't think you are retarded. I just want to go to New York and get drunk with my friends and play Dream Phone. No I'm not going to Manhattan, I'm going to upstate New York...yes there is more state north of Manhattan. No, sir, I did not mean to disrespect you like that. I am sorry.

Now please, believe me, I do not know who the mystery caller is. I wish I did. I wish I did...