Puppies, Croissants, and World Peace

So my sister recently asked me what I want for my upcoming birthday and, after considering carefully, I told her homemade croissants and World Peace. Of course, she naturally assumed that by "World Peace" I meant her beagle-mix Sophie. I immediately realized that, even after knowing her for nearly 29 years, I still have no idea how her brain works. But it got me thinking. (Although not hard.) For the last two-and-a-half minutes I have been exhaustively analyzing and pondering her words ("By World Peace, I assume you mean Sophita"). And I have come to several conclusions:

1. If everyone in the world had a dog, we'd probably have a real shot at World Peace. It's hard to think about nuking your neighbor when your dog thinks of him as "Mr. Delicious Biscuit, that guy who knows exactly where my Perpetual Itch is located."

2. If Osama bin Laden had a dog, we'd have caught him months ago when he left the cave to walk his furry friend early one morning. Dogs need lots of exercise after all. Running from American troops is just one way to get it and for most dogs, it's probably not going to be enough.

3. Dogs make people we don't like more likeable. We might not like bin Laden even if he had a dog, but I bet we'd be more likely to say hello when we passed him on the street, and that would go a long way towards World Peace. (Wait - does George W. have a dog?)

4. Dogs would make great ambassadors. We'd have the whole world sharing from each other's water bowls, howling in unison, and sniffing butts together in no time. And at long last, I might add.

5. Instead of sending troops out, we should probably just ship loads of properly-weaned puppies to places like Iraq or North Korea. I think it would solve a lot of conflict.

6. My sister could probably use a ball of cream cheese rolled carefully around some kind of medication.

7. I could use some medication.

8. Dogs make great medication.

9. I really just need a dog for my birthday.

10. ...which is on October 9. Write that down.