This one time at band camp....

On the train this morning my unpredictable ipod gave me a Tori Amos retrospective.

Once upon a time, I went to band camp. That's what you do when you're 17 and play bassoon. Being a bassoonist at band camp meant nothing fun happens b/c you form a click with the other people who play your instrument and bassoonists are all very smart and boring people. We tend to hang out with the viola players and bass clarinetists, who like us, have taken up an unconventional instrument that colleges drool over, and not with those crazy oversexed flautists who are a dime a dozen.

I met some really great & fun people there. One of them was a camp counselor who was working on her BFA in Music from Ithaca College. In fact it was because of her 5 people, including myself, from the bassoon studio eventually went to IC. But, one of the viola players we hung out with was my roommate Jennifer. I don't remember her last name, but she was a short thin thing from downstate with huge frizzy hair. Jen wanted to learn how to play piano while we were there (we all had the opportunity to try something new, I chose the oboe, one of the percussionists chose the skin flute) and decided she was going to learn with a Tori Amos song. I had never heard of Tori. Upstate NY was still in the grips of grunge and metal. I was a Nirvana fan and a devoted follower of the Church of Vedder. But by the time I left Potsdam two weeks later I knew every word, moan, and bridge to every song on both Little Earthquakes and Under the Pink. I lost touch with Jen a long time ago, but I have still bought or burned all of Tori's albums as well as many bootlegs as I could get my hands on. In fact, I also have to date my adoration of covers to this. I had a tape of a concert in Berlin that has Tori singing "Summertime" from Porgy & Bess. That bootleg is the reason I have an a cappella version of "Baby Got Back."

So, Jen, wherever you are, thank you. Thank you for introducing me to an artist that has fundamentally shaped my tastes in music.

Spam from Ralph Wiggum

I got some awesome spam today-

Subject: Magic berry that will make you look like a princes

Make me look like a princes? I will look like two dudes?

Or will I look like two Princes?

Because if that is what happens if I eated the magic berries, these should be outlawed. That is too much hot n' sexy for any one (or dual persona) to handle.

It Takes a Medieval Village.

While cleaning the house today, I started a pile of all the things that I either needed fixed and a list of things I need to buy more of.

I have three pairs of shoes that either have holes that need to be re-sewn on the side or have their soles replaced. I need to find a cobbler. Do I get one near home? Near the office? I don't know we did some googling that lead me to also realize I need a manicure and while I'm at it on self improvement my roots are past showing and have ventured in to plain silly looking.

Okay, I need a cobbler and a beautician.

But then I moved in to the closet to pull out one of the pairs of shoes that need fixing and I came across four pairs of pants that I HAVE NEVER WORN b/c I need them to be altered. See I bear the cross of being both fat AND short. Not many places, save OldNavy.com (b/c who wants us in the store??) and Lane Bryant have a rack for fat&short. Okay, fine, but now I need a tailor.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, and a tailor.

I got, as Dr. V got to see, an enormous amount of "new to me" jewelry when my mother passed away last year. I really haven't gone through most of it other than to put some of the more special and antique pieces in a lockbox (right next to the internet). When I was at the beach house this past week I picked up some more to add to the pile. While putting everything away I realized I have a number of silver pendants that need to have that ring the chain goes through soldered and a few rings and earrings that I want to have cleaned/appraised. I'll have to head down to jewelers row ....

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, and a jeweler.

I like fun artisanal soaps. I love the way they smell and feel. I don't know why, but I feel cleaner when I can feel the green tea or bay rum, or flax seeds in my soap.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, a jeweler, and soap maker.

My big stinking candles that help keep my house from smelling like Mooch's bunghole are almost gone, I know that Yankee Candle is having a sale, but I don't want to pay for shipping. I'm getting cheap in my old age.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, a jeweler, a soap maker, and a candle stick maker.

Chef is out of yeast, which is a bummer b/c I was hoping for some fresh bread. I love the smell and the taste and it has been so cool here the last two days that a nice warm soup (I have a hankering for clam chowder) and some fresh bread would hit the spot.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, a jeweler, a soap maker, a candle stick maker, and a baker.

Oh shit, now that I look I have no wine.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, a jeweler, a soap maker, a candle stick maker, a baker, and a wine monger.

I just found 3 watched w/ dead batteries, and one that needs a few extra links put in before my afore mentioned fat wrist can wear it.

I need a cobbler, a beautician, a tailor, a jeweler, a soap maker, a candle stick maker, a baker, a wine monger, and a watch maker.

I need a medieval village. A medieval village would have ALL of these things. And they would all be near the money lender and all near the town square and Ye Olde Starbucks. So I could get it all bought and done and get my gossip in with the fishmonger's wife and head home before my husband returns from the fields.

Or, I could just get a car and head to Walmart.

PSSWR 2010: Virginana

The preliminary email has been sent out to the core group--from which the spider-web of invites will spring forth--but, as the official hostess (for this venture the Head Hostess of the Margarita Girls Four), I thought I should be the one to make the web announcement that we will be having our Point-Something Sexybitches Winetastic Roadtrip (PSSWR) at my little Sanctuary in Virginia, May 26 to WHENEVER (but we'll say 30th), 2010.

(Though the place will be better titled "The Skanktuary" while you all are here, I have no doubt.)

The point of the "Point-Something"ness of our title is quite simple: the whole thing should be viewed as a collective birthday party... whether you'll be 33.468 like me (yes, I did the math) or some other point-something, the idea is that we get to celebrate life with a bunch of our girlfriends in a way we might not really get to celebrate it on our actual birthdays. And the Sexybitches part and Winetastic part and Roadtrip part... they each speak for themselves.

REASONS TO COME:

It's really damn pretty. Within a short walk of the Sanctuary you can see this lovely path (about a five-minute walk from my door) [and my thanks to Jess McCormick for most of the following pics];


...this first pond (about a ten-minute walk), where the sunsets are beautiful and lots of people go fishing;



...this second pond (about a fifteen-minute walk), where we can go swimming, canoeing, etc.;


...gorgeous flowering trees all over campus (lots of magnolias, too, though they're not in bloom yet and so aren't nearly as pretty as the ones pictured below);


...and one hell of a sunset. This is a nice 40-minute walk from my place and is right over by the paddocks for the horses. I was just there the other night at sunset and had the opportunity to pet a few horses and see at least a dozen deer as dusk fell on my lovely new home.


Off-campus, we can drive out to any one of the many wineries in the area. And though Mandy, my GPS-bitch, may get us lost once or twice (KERBOPPLETOP!), the views are worth the travel mishaps:







Also, on-site entertainment will be provided:



In other words, there are lots of amazing, relaxing, fun, and memorable reasons to come, so SAVE THE DATES!!!!

MAY 26-30, 2010

The airports to consider flying into are as follows (from closest to furthest): Lynchburg, VA (30 min); Charlottesville, VA (50 min); and Richmond, VA (about 3 hours... I know, I know...). Travel details, airport shuttling, and carpooling opportunities can be discussed further when we get nearer to the time of PSSWR and have some sense of how many and which women are attending. Please RSVP one of the Margarita Girls or post a comment!

We want you to come and we know you want to come. So, GET HERE!

I know that I won't be happy unless I have a Bevy of Bitches in Brigadoon...

Wingal Out