Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Margarita Girls for Co-Supreme Mistresses of the Universe

There's a calendar for purchase at Borders that has a countdown to the end of G.W.'s presidency. Each day marks one day less and names an important event in W's presidency that happened on said day (and they're not flattering events... which isn't entirely surprising). And each month is a different goofy-ass picture of him and an actual, Bush-like, nonsensical quote.

And I think that we should run, as a team, for World Dominatrixes. My Latin's disfunctioning... Dominatrices? What's the plural, Larry? Well, whatever it is, let's do it. Let's outline our platform. Just edit this post to tack on more, guys. I'll start.

1. Worldwide, universal healthcare.
2. Raise minimum wage to $12.00/hour.
3. Multi-million/billionaires can make no more than $200,000 a year and the rest of their earnings go to charities.
4. A stupidity tax will be levied on all those people who voted for G.W. or who fail to use their turn signals.
5. GAY MARRIAGE!
6. Every citizen receives an allotment of wine and chocolate brownies delivered to them biweekly. It's a lot. Of both.
7. Gerard Butler, Colin Firth, Hugh Jackman, Hugh Laurie, and Henry Rollins have to be my live-in personal assistants. I'm willing to share Henry with Boobarella... a sort of joint-custody arrangement; alternating weekends.
8. Pat Robertson and his followers will be exiled to Antarctica.
9. Any home worth more than $500,000 will be broken up to accomodate the homeless along with the current homeowners.
10. We will stop the manufacture of SUVs that get less than 28 mpg highway, belly shirts, mini-skirts, and Britney Spears CDs.
11. At age 16 every person must get a job in the customer-service industry so that they learn how to be respectful of others, how to be good consumers, and how to be self-sufficient and not mooch off their parents.
[NEXT...]

12. Implement the "Hennessy for Plutonium" program with North Korea and their bouffant-coiffed dictator for life, Kim Jong Il

4 comments:

Erika said...

Awesome! with no bosses tomorrow I now have a project!

Wingal said...

Glad to help you sluff off. That's what I'm here for.

maurice said...

Ee do not tink te vine allotment ees enouff. Ee am certain tat Ee require more. And Ee tink Ee vould rater zee Pat Robertson expelled eento space tan to pollute Antarctica vit 'is 'ot air. Ee tought ve vere against global varming anyvay?

Wingal said...

Good point, Maurice. We'll shoot Pat into space... but not in any kind of transportation device. He can just melt as he goes through the atmosphere. And to accommodate your wine consumption, we'll need to convert about 20% of the world's fertile lands into vinyards. Um... 30%.