Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 04, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
In Which Boobarella Admits Her Ignorance
What the devil is foursquare other than a way for me to know when my IT Puppy is not in the office and out having his time with strippers & blow? Seriously, I thought maybe in some drunken stupor I missed an election when some guy named @RexHuppke tweeted "I just became the mayor of Chicago on @foursquare!"
I'm going to start my own social networking thing-ma-jobby. And screw you I'm mayor of my office bitches.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Sunday, September 05, 2010
When we last left Boobarella....
Jenny's comments on the last entry made me realize that I may have forgot to share some things about what has been happening up here.
Chef got a job in the Great White North, slightly south of Valhalla and west of the Land of Ice & Snow.
Chef got a job in the Great White North, slightly south of Valhalla and west of the Land of Ice & Snow.
Since we really couldn't pass up this opportunity for Chef and there were no jobs in South Manitoba for me, the other two pugs, cat and I remain in our lakeside apartment, 12 hours away. Chef & Mooch loaded up the car we just bought the week previous and headed north on a two-day adventure drive through the cheese forest and into the Lutheran stronghold of South Manitoba. And while they may have been enjoying some cool temperatures up north, I have all the furniture.
Anyway, hence the previous post on some of the world's saddest food. After having Chef here for the last, umm - how long have we been married? - 8 (9??) years cooking for me, I am out of practice. That and when he left, Chef took all the spices except the salt, pepper, and cinnamon.
He also left me a sticky bottle of rice vinegar. I don't even know what that is.
I had vowed not to buy any more meat until I ate all of what was in the freezer, but seriously I don't know what to make of half of it. The chicken was the first to disappear. That one was easy and yielded a few meals. The catfish...that was ok, but far too much for one person and when reheated it was like a fishy pudding mushy blech.
The ground pork was ruined by the world's saddest spaghetti sauce, and the lamb bits turned into a nice stir fry with the purple cabbage I found living in the fridge.
At least I hope that was a cabbage.
Anyway, hence the previous post on some of the world's saddest food. After having Chef here for the last, umm - how long have we been married? - 8 (9??) years cooking for me, I am out of practice. That and when he left, Chef took all the spices except the salt, pepper, and cinnamon.
He also left me a sticky bottle of rice vinegar. I don't even know what that is.
I had vowed not to buy any more meat until I ate all of what was in the freezer, but seriously I don't know what to make of half of it. The chicken was the first to disappear. That one was easy and yielded a few meals. The catfish...that was ok, but far too much for one person and when reheated it was like a fishy pudding mushy blech.
The ground pork was ruined by the world's saddest spaghetti sauce, and the lamb bits turned into a nice stir fry with the purple cabbage I found living in the fridge.
At least I hope that was a cabbage.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Needs Improvement.
Bad bloggers! We have been terrible! We have this wonderful blog and what do we do? Ignore it and just treat it like a ginger kid.
Really there is no excuse.
Since I am now living the single life as Chef & Mooch have relocated to South Manitoba I am going to be blogging the hell out of things. First up, my horrific attempts at cooking.
Really there is no excuse.
Since I am now living the single life as Chef & Mooch have relocated to South Manitoba I am going to be blogging the hell out of things. First up, my horrific attempts at cooking.
The world's saddest spaghetti sauce
The world's saddest chicken pot pie
Recipe for a delicious dinner
Recipe for a delicious dinner
Friday, August 06, 2010
Double Rainbow!!!!
I think this is just so damn awesome. I wish I had days like this. I suppose I could, if I had the right connections. Seriously, you have to watch this all the way through. It will make you happy.
Original Double Rainbow video!!:
Original Double Rainbow video set to music!!:
Original Double Rainbow video!!:
Original Double Rainbow video set to music!!:
Saturday, April 10, 2010
PSSWR 2010: Virginana...
It's ON, Sexybitches!!!
This is just a reminder that PSSWR 2010 is a GO... even if there are only three of us (Dr. Vixen, boobarella, and Jenny, as you see above), PSSWR is on. So, for all of you still interested, here are the details once more.
WHAT: Point-Something Sexybitches Winetastic Roadtrip (PSSWR) 2010
WHEN: Wednesday, May 26 to Sunday, May 30 (give or take as many days as you like, both before and after)
WHERE: Sweet Briar, Virginia... at the quaint little abode of Dr. Vixen... a place also known as the "Skanktuary"
WHO: Sponsored by the Midnight Margarita Girls
WHY: Because sometimes Sexybitches (of all ages) just need to congregate for a little Sexybitches time... kicking back, visiting wineries, eating good food, listening to good music, drinking good wine (etc.), playing ridiculously juvenile board games (Dream Phone, anyone?), and enjoying the conversation and camaraderie of like-minded awesome ladies. We can even go swimming down at the lake and, with any luck, have a private party there at the boathouse.
How to get here:
FLYING: If your distance from Virginana necessitates the use of winged metallic sky-beasts, there are several airport choices to look into as far as destination. Here they are, from closest to Sweet Briar to furthest:
Lynchburg (30 minutes away)
Charlottesville (1 hour)
Roanoke (1.5 hours)
Richmond (2.5 hours)
The Margarita Girls will make every effort to get you transported safely from whichever airport you use to the cozy comfort of Dr. Vixen's Skanktuary Retreat. If you would like to coordinate with other fliers, please post in the comments section below. I also hereby encourage Jenny and boobarella to post there arrival/departure information in the comments, as well, so people can have some sense of when and where others are arriving via plane.
DRIVING: Whether you're using the Googles, MapQuest, YahooMaps, or your own GPS system (like my own dear, beloved "Mandy" Tom-Tom), your destination is, quite simply, SWEET BRIAR, VIRGINIA. There is only one and giving you a street address will do you no good whatsoever. Once you get to the campus itself, I will be able to direct you more appropriately to the Skanktuary. This is a small place... I really doubt you'll get lost.
Sweet Briar is located approximately one hour south of Charlottesville, in Central Virginia, and approximately thirty minutes north of Lynchburg. The local highway is 29; the closest major highway is 81.
Please RSVP in the comments section below ASAP so we can begin the planning process. All you will need to bring with you is whatever you'll need in the way of clothes, toiletries, and other accoutrements... Linens (sheets, pillows, towels) are STRONGLY encouraged and, especially for anyone driving, inflatable mattresses might be a good idea. One way or another, we will do our best to make sure everyone is comfortably taken care of.
Colonel Brandon wants to meet you...
..and Cedric is eagerly anticipating your arrival...
We truly hope to see you in May! Seriously... you know you need to get away for a little mental health time. Why not spend it with similarly crazy people? And in some of the most beautiful country you have ever seen...
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Happy Easter!
And lo, Jesus came to his followers and said 'have you guys tried this bacon stuff?'
'No our lord, for it is not kosher.'
'Yeah, you guys might want to get on this, it's really great..."
Thanks to Aunt Becky for finally making cards for all of us to enjoy!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
I'm the Responsible One in this Relationship
So there I was last week minding my own business when my mother called me. "Your Grandmother is moving to Virginia next week and she has some furniture for you if you can drive down to Arizona and pick it up." Well, being short notice and all I thought we pulled it together rather quickly, however, the "furniture" became just a bookcase the more my Aunt got involved (because clearly she wanted anything she could get her hands on and I'm not really sure why I got earmarked a bookcase, but I'm really happy I did). Anyway, I drove over to Hayward to pick up Mr. Fix-it after loading up the car all by myself. I even managed to get there on time. Once there, I had to wait 2 hours for him to stop talking to people and get his rear end out the door. It seems like everyone wanted to tell us just exactly how to get to Tuscan from San Francisco. Fortunately we did take the way I had pointed out to him otherwise we would have arrived even later than expected. But we still didn't leave until 5pm (much like the trips we took as a child because my father couldn't get out the door on time either).
The first day of driving was uneventful. We stopped at Andersen's pea soup kitchen. I hate
Andersen's pea soup. It's flavorless and flavorless, but I ordered it anyway, because apparently I like to torchure myself. And then I was asked to drive through the "Grapevine" which is the mountainous part of the highway in the rain and fog and through L.A. We arrived in Desert Palms at 2:30 am.
The next morning we got up a little late and were planning on having breakfast with one of Jim's co-workers who has a house down there. However, as both of them were working via their phones the am turned into pm and we finally went out to lunch. Which meant we didn't get to go to Joshua Tree Nat. Park and we would arrive in Green Valley at 8:30pm. We stopped in a place called Blythe, Ca for lunch. Okay, we stopped at a gas station that had a Quiznos as opposed to the McDonald's next door. Since we didn't actually get anything at Quiznos, getting nothing at McDonalds would have been just as good especially since they have highchairs and Quiznos doesn't. On our approach to Phoenix I noticed a sign pointing out an alternative route around the city bypassing traffic. Without a map it was difficult to determine if this information was true, but we finally figured it out, turned around and headed south as we were headed into rush hour anyway. So by the time we got to Green Valley it was 8:30 and all the restaurants in Green Valley close at 8pm because everyone in the city is pretty much over 55. So our choices were: Denny's and The Family Restaurant. We went to the Family Restaurant, which hadn't really improved since the last time we were there.
The next day was uneventful. I did get to move all our stuff from one room to another by myself, much like I got to unload the car by myself. My Grandmother did give us a leather lazyboy that had been my Grandfather's. My Aunt acted resentful toward us from that point on and began convincing my Grandmother that EVERYTHING she owned was going to fit in her new appartment that is half the size of her current one. Clearly she had an agenda.
The next day was the day we left. I had to get Mr. Fix-it to move his rear end and go get some moving blankets that took him over an hour to locate and then I had to help him move all the furniture. Then while he tied down the stuff in the back I loaded up the car. By myself. You notice a theme here? Then we drove to Tuscan to have lunch with Jenny and Rafael, because going back to Tuscan seems like a moot point now that my Grandmother is moving. By the time we got to Phoenix I was seriously regretting not going to Tubac to look at Indian pottery so Mr. Fix-it found a place in Phoenix to go to and then said and I quote "It's 10 miles out of the way, I'd rather we not go." and I said, and I quote "I still want to go and you need to get some gas before leaving Phoenix" You could hear the crickets in the car. Needless to say we didn't go. I went to sleep angry and was woken up 45 minutes later to this "Um, honey, there hasn't been a gas station in 35 miles and I'm almost out. The GPS says there isn't any gas for another 40 miles. I'm going to pull over here at this (desolate) exit while I still have some and call AAA. Only I have to use your card because I've exceeded my limit for the year already and my phone isn't working so I have to use yours." Crickets again. When I pointed out that I had told him to get gas he responded he thought there'd be another station further up. When I asked why we were stopping here while we still had some gas he said it was safer. So when the AAA guy showed up in the pouring rain and said there was a gas station 8 miles up the road I could have pushed someone out of the car. And since we wasted an hour in the rain, on the side of the road, clearly we had had time for me to look at Indian pottery. By the time we got to Desert Palms it was late and we were forced to eat a Pizza Hut.
The next day we drove back to Joshua Tree and wound our way through the park. We ate dinner at Denny's because they were open and I was asked to drive the 10:30-3am shift home. The worst part of which was the pansy that cut in front of me on the Bay Bridge and had the nerve to go under the speed limit on the new S curve. Clearly he didn't know I was from West Michigan and could have done such an easy curve in my sleep. Bunch of California wusses!
And so you have it. My account of driving to Tuscan, Az. And how somebody, not me, ran out of gas on the highway, in the middle of the desert with his wife and baby in the car in a rain storm.
The first day of driving was uneventful. We stopped at Andersen's pea soup kitchen. I hate
Andersen's pea soup. It's flavorless and flavorless, but I ordered it anyway, because apparently I like to torchure myself. And then I was asked to drive through the "Grapevine" which is the mountainous part of the highway in the rain and fog and through L.A. We arrived in Desert Palms at 2:30 am.
The next morning we got up a little late and were planning on having breakfast with one of Jim's co-workers who has a house down there. However, as both of them were working via their phones the am turned into pm and we finally went out to lunch. Which meant we didn't get to go to Joshua Tree Nat. Park and we would arrive in Green Valley at 8:30pm. We stopped in a place called Blythe, Ca for lunch. Okay, we stopped at a gas station that had a Quiznos as opposed to the McDonald's next door. Since we didn't actually get anything at Quiznos, getting nothing at McDonalds would have been just as good especially since they have highchairs and Quiznos doesn't. On our approach to Phoenix I noticed a sign pointing out an alternative route around the city bypassing traffic. Without a map it was difficult to determine if this information was true, but we finally figured it out, turned around and headed south as we were headed into rush hour anyway. So by the time we got to Green Valley it was 8:30 and all the restaurants in Green Valley close at 8pm because everyone in the city is pretty much over 55. So our choices were: Denny's and The Family Restaurant. We went to the Family Restaurant, which hadn't really improved since the last time we were there.
The next day was uneventful. I did get to move all our stuff from one room to another by myself, much like I got to unload the car by myself. My Grandmother did give us a leather lazyboy that had been my Grandfather's. My Aunt acted resentful toward us from that point on and began convincing my Grandmother that EVERYTHING she owned was going to fit in her new appartment that is half the size of her current one. Clearly she had an agenda.
The next day was the day we left. I had to get Mr. Fix-it to move his rear end and go get some moving blankets that took him over an hour to locate and then I had to help him move all the furniture. Then while he tied down the stuff in the back I loaded up the car. By myself. You notice a theme here? Then we drove to Tuscan to have lunch with Jenny and Rafael, because going back to Tuscan seems like a moot point now that my Grandmother is moving. By the time we got to Phoenix I was seriously regretting not going to Tubac to look at Indian pottery so Mr. Fix-it found a place in Phoenix to go to and then said and I quote "It's 10 miles out of the way, I'd rather we not go." and I said, and I quote "I still want to go and you need to get some gas before leaving Phoenix" You could hear the crickets in the car. Needless to say we didn't go. I went to sleep angry and was woken up 45 minutes later to this "Um, honey, there hasn't been a gas station in 35 miles and I'm almost out. The GPS says there isn't any gas for another 40 miles. I'm going to pull over here at this (desolate) exit while I still have some and call AAA. Only I have to use your card because I've exceeded my limit for the year already and my phone isn't working so I have to use yours." Crickets again. When I pointed out that I had told him to get gas he responded he thought there'd be another station further up. When I asked why we were stopping here while we still had some gas he said it was safer. So when the AAA guy showed up in the pouring rain and said there was a gas station 8 miles up the road I could have pushed someone out of the car. And since we wasted an hour in the rain, on the side of the road, clearly we had had time for me to look at Indian pottery. By the time we got to Desert Palms it was late and we were forced to eat a Pizza Hut.
The next day we drove back to Joshua Tree and wound our way through the park. We ate dinner at Denny's because they were open and I was asked to drive the 10:30-3am shift home. The worst part of which was the pansy that cut in front of me on the Bay Bridge and had the nerve to go under the speed limit on the new S curve. Clearly he didn't know I was from West Michigan and could have done such an easy curve in my sleep. Bunch of California wusses!
And so you have it. My account of driving to Tuscan, Az. And how somebody, not me, ran out of gas on the highway, in the middle of the desert with his wife and baby in the car in a rain storm.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Olympic Sized Diseases
After two straight weeks of superior athletic competition and superior athletic costuming, I have to confess that I was unfamiliar with some of the terms/names used in the games and assumed that they were terrible diseases that some of the athletes were afflicted with.
- Mancuso: "I was diagnosed with Mancuso today; I have 5 months."
- Quebec Pop: "He gave me Quebec Pop"
"Maybe you shouldn't have slept with that lumberjack."
- Giant Slalom: "Taking this pill may cause constipation, giant slalom, and a yellowing of the skin..."
- Hack Foot: "Did you hear about Steve? He has Hack Foot."
"Maybe he shouldn't have slept with that lumberjack."
- Burning Stone: "Eating at Taco Bell gave me a Burning Stone."
- Dry Slope: "Don't be embarrassed Honey, every woman experiences Dry Slope at one or another."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 05, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The State of the Union I wish I had heard tonight.
Thank you very much. Ladies & Gentlemen of the House, Senate, Joint Chiefs, Madam Speaker, distinguished guests, Joe, and people of the United States
Wow. So shit got real, really fast this year didn't it? We have no money, poor job growth, still no health care, Haiti is wrecked, etc etc etc. Did anyone have a good year?
Look, let's cut the bullshit. Seriously, we need to try to fix this, and do it now. Blah blah blah we're going to have to act now. I know you've already heard this all and it's probably of no help or piece of mind to see the members of this administration and your elected officials bickering on TV, online, and in print.
So here's my plan..think of it like my version of the Fourteen Points.
I'll wait while you all go look that up on Wikipedia.
We got it? You all good? Good. Like I said, here's my plan:
1) Both parties; cut the shit. I mean really. I, dare I say we the people, have had enough. This kind of relationship is ineffective to both business & government. Yes a Republican is now in Ted Kennedy's seat. Big deal. No offense to Ted, God bless him, but we all knew it might happen. And really the party of the person elected shouldn't matter because they were elected by the constituents of Massachusetts and Mr. Brown will come to D.C. to represent them. That is what he was elected to do. That was what we were all elected to do: to represent the people & their concerns. Mr. Brown represents a portion of the people in Massachusetts that felt he would bring their needs, wants, and desires to DC and he will keep those in mind while working on helping to move our great country forward. Mr. Brown will do the same thing that John Kerry, Henry Reid, Mitch McConnell, and John Barrasso are doing now.
You're all looking up Barrasso now aren't you? WY-R.
But grow up. Both parties. GROW UP. You were elected by people who some of you manipulated by fear and hate to get here. That has got to stop. Stop glaring at me. You know who you are. joe......
2) Taxes: I'm not cutting a damned thing. Not one cent. You know why? Because…boo all you want asshole…because you cannot get ANYTHING done in the country in this day & age w/o money. I'm sorry. Who do you think paves your roads and where do you think that money comes from? Hey Michigan! You want I-94 outside of Detroit fixed? Then We're going to tax the shit out of cigarettes so we can give money to the state so they can fix the damed road. You want health care? You want the troops to come home? You want to fix New Orleans? Cure cancer? Helllloooooooo taxes! Sorry boys & girls, but if you don't want to your future on hold we gotta pay the piper. We have been spending like drunk girls in a mall with dad's credit card. It's ridiculous.
It's a simple formula I am "proposing": the more you make (be it as an individual or corporation) the more you pay. Simple, clear, concise. If you make more you pay more. Oh and GE, GM, Ford, Bank of America? I'm taxing the shit out of those bonuses.
3) Jobs: funk yeah we need to get people working. More people working means more money coming in to us in taxes and more shit gets fixed. And the more money we bring in the more industries can grow and the more people we get working which brings in more money…do you all see this is a terrible cycle? More jobs. Yes we need them. But I can't just sign a document and *poof!* jobs appear. That I tell you we need more jobs and I'm going to help and in 2 months you're whining that "we still have no jooooooobs and it's all Obama's fault" is utter bull shit. The more we put money in to new forms of energy the more jobs we create in those fields and in the education of those fields. Now I can't help the Literature or History academics with that one, but come on give me a break. Who still does that as a job?
4) Health Care: Christ this should have been the easy one. What the hell is wrong with you people? IF WE HAVE PEOPLE WITH NO ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE THEN WE HAVE A TON OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T GET BETTER AND AND WILL DIE! You there, when I say we're going to do this we're going to do this so stand up & clap. Say what you will, but denying to help people who are sick doesn't seem very "Christian" as you profess to be. Put aside your petty differences and lets hammer this out. One of you has to understand basic project management. If you don't someone go get one of those damned lobbyists. At least they can finally be useful for something other than buying that douche over there a new pool & some hookers. Anyway get a project manager and you have 30 days to get a decent plan to me. Also, if there isn't at least one PRACTICING M.D. and three RN's helping you on this project I will not even look at it. Don't any of you know that Gupta guy from CNN? Dr. Phil even?
Seriously, you have 30 days.
Oh and crazy old man from that video..Medicare is run by the government, so no I won't keep my hands out of thank you every much.
5) Student Loans: now there's a Ponzi Scheme if I ever saw one. But hey that's fine. Here's the thing, the pay back is crazy. So we're knocking it down and if you go to work for the Red Cross or some other Non-for Profit we'll cancel your debt. And by that I mean a legit one. Not ACORN. That was crazy wasn't it?
6) Affordable Child Care: I'm sorry why is this on my agenda? States - this one is all yours.
7) The War(s): Without naming names, this has been fully acknowledged as a huge fuck up. So now what? I know I know I said we would pull the troops out. We will. I wouldn't lie to all those West Point grads. Those kids have swords. But look, we really really messed up Iraq. I mean really. It was a bad move on America's part. And for that we're sorry. There is no Hallmark card for what we did there. So while we pull the troops out, Harvard University's departments of Politics, Economics, and Religion is in charge of putting that back together. You have 180 days to get that plan together and get it on my desk.
Why Harvard? Because their bid was the lowest. They're like academic contractors. See America, this is called "out sourcing." When you can't handle something on your own b/c it's just beyond your comprehension and there is someone or a group of someones out there than does have the skills you hire them to do it.
Afghanistan: how hard is it to find an old man in the mountains on dialysis???? We have our friends helping us, lets step that up.
8) The Economy: Christ. There is nothing good about this. Not a damned thing. No matter what I say you're going to get pissed. I can't curb too much spending b/c then shit won't get done. I can't increase spending b/c debt spending is a really bad idea (right home owners????). So see point 2. I'm taxing you. I'm going to do it you're going to hate it and yet we're going to live with it. We have to fix this huge debt. And you're right, Ben Bernanke has done a terrible job. I'm taking applications for that job. Closing date for applications is March 1, 2010. Please include with your Vita, 4 references and an 1000 word essay on your first steps in fixing this sinking ship.
9) You nine people in black robes - What the hell was that you did last week? Reversing that law was the single dumbest thing you have collectively in any iteration done. Do you have ANY idea what you have opened the door to? Remember how much we hate lobbyists? well sure you may have killed them, but now Phillip Morris, excuse me Altria, will actually become a Senator. wow, yeah, way to go on that one.
10) National Security: We're doing pretty good. We have some kinks to work out, TSA I'm looking at you, but over all I think we're safer now than we have been in years. There is no way we can predict what might happen next. But we can do our best to try. Homeland Security and the NSA are working on that. Thank god for the geeks, eh kids? That underpants terrorist guy? I'm tired of hearing about this. Yeah he got legal council. You know why? b/c he was on out turf and if any of you was in another country you would expect the same treatment. Do un to others…. You know, for a bunch of people who like to run around quoting the Bible you sure do forget quite a bit of the message.
11) Iran: Talk about nuts. That guy is wack-a-doodle. But here's the thing - he's one guy. Trust me he does not represent the thinking in that country nor does he represent Muslims. We're not bombing them we're not going after them. We just want to know what they are doing - Nuclear weapons or Nuclear Power? If it's power we may have something to learn from them. Weapons though…well then yes we'll have a problem. But I want proof before we start screaming about killing them.
12) North Korea: yeah. Not a threat. He's definitely crazy, but they have less money than we do. Heck they may have less money than Haiti at this point.
Hey China, N. Korea is all yours to take care of. We bigger advanced countries have to work together and since we have to help out Haiti (Yes people I said we HAVE to help them) can you please go take a look at North Korea and see what is going on over there?
13) The Gay thing: Like Health Care, this should have been an easy one. And like Health Care we cannot deny people their human rights. Buck up haters and except them. They're here, they're queer, and they're getting married and moving in next door. So they don't mesh with your idolatry. How do you deal with others that don't? Do you make laws against them? Is that how our country should work? the country that has "give me your tired, your hungry. . ." on our front door? No. Those of us who came to this country willingly came here for a better life. Whether it be a Spanish conquistador searching for riches or English Puritans looking for a more tolerant religious climate, or one of the nameless faces that streamed through Ellis Island in the late 19th-early 20th century, all came here for a better life and the chance to be happy and to be true to themselves. So lets stop the name calling and the finger pointing and the Bible quoting and remember you're an American and that we're all here for freedom and the pursuit of happiness, and let everyone do just that no matter who they are.
14) You didn't think I would carry through did you? Look, we have a great country. We need to get back on track, We used to be a great big innovative country, but since 9-11 we have become scared and introspective. We need to expand out work on alternative energy and helping the environment. No Global warming isn't a lie. I know in February when it's 10 degrees and snowing in Pueblo, NM it's hard to believe but it's true. If we had more time I would have Al Gore come on TV & show you. But really this is something we need to work on. Obviously there will be wear & tear on the plant. There are billions of people living here. But what we need to do is to not let it get worse. We have to work to be responsible land owners.
One more thing. I'm starting a national book club. For the next 6 months we'll be reading and discussing John Stuart Mills's "On Liberty." I'll have the first set of discussion questions on the White House web page next week. Our book club will feature a guest blogger for each month. This month the discussion blog will be run and moderated by Ken Burns.
Thank you, god bless you, and god bless the United States of America
Wow. So shit got real, really fast this year didn't it? We have no money, poor job growth, still no health care, Haiti is wrecked, etc etc etc. Did anyone have a good year?
Look, let's cut the bullshit. Seriously, we need to try to fix this, and do it now. Blah blah blah we're going to have to act now. I know you've already heard this all and it's probably of no help or piece of mind to see the members of this administration and your elected officials bickering on TV, online, and in print.
So here's my plan..think of it like my version of the Fourteen Points.
I'll wait while you all go look that up on Wikipedia.
We got it? You all good? Good. Like I said, here's my plan:
1) Both parties; cut the shit. I mean really. I, dare I say we the people, have had enough. This kind of relationship is ineffective to both business & government. Yes a Republican is now in Ted Kennedy's seat. Big deal. No offense to Ted, God bless him, but we all knew it might happen. And really the party of the person elected shouldn't matter because they were elected by the constituents of Massachusetts and Mr. Brown will come to D.C. to represent them. That is what he was elected to do. That was what we were all elected to do: to represent the people & their concerns. Mr. Brown represents a portion of the people in Massachusetts that felt he would bring their needs, wants, and desires to DC and he will keep those in mind while working on helping to move our great country forward. Mr. Brown will do the same thing that John Kerry, Henry Reid, Mitch McConnell, and John Barrasso are doing now.
You're all looking up Barrasso now aren't you? WY-R.
But grow up. Both parties. GROW UP. You were elected by people who some of you manipulated by fear and hate to get here. That has got to stop. Stop glaring at me. You know who you are. joe......
2) Taxes: I'm not cutting a damned thing. Not one cent. You know why? Because…boo all you want asshole…because you cannot get ANYTHING done in the country in this day & age w/o money. I'm sorry. Who do you think paves your roads and where do you think that money comes from? Hey Michigan! You want I-94 outside of Detroit fixed? Then We're going to tax the shit out of cigarettes so we can give money to the state so they can fix the damed road. You want health care? You want the troops to come home? You want to fix New Orleans? Cure cancer? Helllloooooooo taxes! Sorry boys & girls, but if you don't want to your future on hold we gotta pay the piper. We have been spending like drunk girls in a mall with dad's credit card. It's ridiculous.
It's a simple formula I am "proposing": the more you make (be it as an individual or corporation) the more you pay. Simple, clear, concise. If you make more you pay more. Oh and GE, GM, Ford, Bank of America? I'm taxing the shit out of those bonuses.
3) Jobs: funk yeah we need to get people working. More people working means more money coming in to us in taxes and more shit gets fixed. And the more money we bring in the more industries can grow and the more people we get working which brings in more money…do you all see this is a terrible cycle? More jobs. Yes we need them. But I can't just sign a document and *poof!* jobs appear. That I tell you we need more jobs and I'm going to help and in 2 months you're whining that "we still have no jooooooobs and it's all Obama's fault" is utter bull shit. The more we put money in to new forms of energy the more jobs we create in those fields and in the education of those fields. Now I can't help the Literature or History academics with that one, but come on give me a break. Who still does that as a job?
4) Health Care: Christ this should have been the easy one. What the hell is wrong with you people? IF WE HAVE PEOPLE WITH NO ACCESS TO HEALTH CARE THEN WE HAVE A TON OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T GET BETTER AND AND WILL DIE! You there, when I say we're going to do this we're going to do this so stand up & clap. Say what you will, but denying to help people who are sick doesn't seem very "Christian" as you profess to be. Put aside your petty differences and lets hammer this out. One of you has to understand basic project management. If you don't someone go get one of those damned lobbyists. At least they can finally be useful for something other than buying that douche over there a new pool & some hookers. Anyway get a project manager and you have 30 days to get a decent plan to me. Also, if there isn't at least one PRACTICING M.D. and three RN's helping you on this project I will not even look at it. Don't any of you know that Gupta guy from CNN? Dr. Phil even?
Seriously, you have 30 days.
Oh and crazy old man from that video..Medicare is run by the government, so no I won't keep my hands out of thank you every much.
5) Student Loans: now there's a Ponzi Scheme if I ever saw one. But hey that's fine. Here's the thing, the pay back is crazy. So we're knocking it down and if you go to work for the Red Cross or some other Non-for Profit we'll cancel your debt. And by that I mean a legit one. Not ACORN. That was crazy wasn't it?
6) Affordable Child Care: I'm sorry why is this on my agenda? States - this one is all yours.
7) The War(s): Without naming names, this has been fully acknowledged as a huge fuck up. So now what? I know I know I said we would pull the troops out. We will. I wouldn't lie to all those West Point grads. Those kids have swords. But look, we really really messed up Iraq. I mean really. It was a bad move on America's part. And for that we're sorry. There is no Hallmark card for what we did there. So while we pull the troops out, Harvard University's departments of Politics, Economics, and Religion is in charge of putting that back together. You have 180 days to get that plan together and get it on my desk.
Why Harvard? Because their bid was the lowest. They're like academic contractors. See America, this is called "out sourcing." When you can't handle something on your own b/c it's just beyond your comprehension and there is someone or a group of someones out there than does have the skills you hire them to do it.
Afghanistan: how hard is it to find an old man in the mountains on dialysis???? We have our friends helping us, lets step that up.
8) The Economy: Christ. There is nothing good about this. Not a damned thing. No matter what I say you're going to get pissed. I can't curb too much spending b/c then shit won't get done. I can't increase spending b/c debt spending is a really bad idea (right home owners????). So see point 2. I'm taxing you. I'm going to do it you're going to hate it and yet we're going to live with it. We have to fix this huge debt. And you're right, Ben Bernanke has done a terrible job. I'm taking applications for that job. Closing date for applications is March 1, 2010. Please include with your Vita, 4 references and an 1000 word essay on your first steps in fixing this sinking ship.
9) You nine people in black robes - What the hell was that you did last week? Reversing that law was the single dumbest thing you have collectively in any iteration done. Do you have ANY idea what you have opened the door to? Remember how much we hate lobbyists? well sure you may have killed them, but now Phillip Morris, excuse me Altria, will actually become a Senator. wow, yeah, way to go on that one.
10) National Security: We're doing pretty good. We have some kinks to work out, TSA I'm looking at you, but over all I think we're safer now than we have been in years. There is no way we can predict what might happen next. But we can do our best to try. Homeland Security and the NSA are working on that. Thank god for the geeks, eh kids? That underpants terrorist guy? I'm tired of hearing about this. Yeah he got legal council. You know why? b/c he was on out turf and if any of you was in another country you would expect the same treatment. Do un to others…. You know, for a bunch of people who like to run around quoting the Bible you sure do forget quite a bit of the message.
11) Iran: Talk about nuts. That guy is wack-a-doodle. But here's the thing - he's one guy. Trust me he does not represent the thinking in that country nor does he represent Muslims. We're not bombing them we're not going after them. We just want to know what they are doing - Nuclear weapons or Nuclear Power? If it's power we may have something to learn from them. Weapons though…well then yes we'll have a problem. But I want proof before we start screaming about killing them.
12) North Korea: yeah. Not a threat. He's definitely crazy, but they have less money than we do. Heck they may have less money than Haiti at this point.
Hey China, N. Korea is all yours to take care of. We bigger advanced countries have to work together and since we have to help out Haiti (Yes people I said we HAVE to help them) can you please go take a look at North Korea and see what is going on over there?
13) The Gay thing: Like Health Care, this should have been an easy one. And like Health Care we cannot deny people their human rights. Buck up haters and except them. They're here, they're queer, and they're getting married and moving in next door. So they don't mesh with your idolatry. How do you deal with others that don't? Do you make laws against them? Is that how our country should work? the country that has "give me your tired, your hungry. . ." on our front door? No. Those of us who came to this country willingly came here for a better life. Whether it be a Spanish conquistador searching for riches or English Puritans looking for a more tolerant religious climate, or one of the nameless faces that streamed through Ellis Island in the late 19th-early 20th century, all came here for a better life and the chance to be happy and to be true to themselves. So lets stop the name calling and the finger pointing and the Bible quoting and remember you're an American and that we're all here for freedom and the pursuit of happiness, and let everyone do just that no matter who they are.
14) You didn't think I would carry through did you? Look, we have a great country. We need to get back on track, We used to be a great big innovative country, but since 9-11 we have become scared and introspective. We need to expand out work on alternative energy and helping the environment. No Global warming isn't a lie. I know in February when it's 10 degrees and snowing in Pueblo, NM it's hard to believe but it's true. If we had more time I would have Al Gore come on TV & show you. But really this is something we need to work on. Obviously there will be wear & tear on the plant. There are billions of people living here. But what we need to do is to not let it get worse. We have to work to be responsible land owners.
One more thing. I'm starting a national book club. For the next 6 months we'll be reading and discussing John Stuart Mills's "On Liberty." I'll have the first set of discussion questions on the White House web page next week. Our book club will feature a guest blogger for each month. This month the discussion blog will be run and moderated by Ken Burns.
Thank you, god bless you, and god bless the United States of America
Monday, January 25, 2010
Epiphany
In the wee early morning hours on the train this morning I had an epiphany.
Rihanna likes Phil Collins.
Case in point:
and
The bridge is the most telling part. Who doesn't love those drums?
Rihanna likes Phil Collins.
Case in point:
and
The bridge is the most telling part. Who doesn't love those drums?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Dr. Vixen's Video from Brigadoon
When boobarella asked me, "Did you see the 'Single Ladies'/Mayberry mash up?" I replied,
"No. I live it."
"No. I live it."
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Desperately Needing PSSWR 2010
(Yes, that IS Thomas Jefferson with a bottle of Virginia wine.)
Dr. V has, admittedly, been checked-out of things for awhile now. The "big-girl" job (as boobarella calls it) has kept me busy and has left me feeling conflicted... simultaneously happy and miserable. My mother once said that, like our grandfather, most of the children in our family aren't satisfied unless we're chasing a rainbow. Not only have I found the end of my rainbow, but I've discovered that it ends at a rural Walmart (quite literally, though that's a meteorological story for another time). I've been trying to think of another rainbow to chase, but God only knows the next one will end at a Sam's Club and I will hang myself from the nearest Tractor Supply store.
There are things about rural life that I absolutely adore, but the frequent loneliness and boredom caused by my isolated location tires me out sometimes... not to mention that I tend to suffer from an inability to focus on my research when I feel so damn tired and alone. I've nearly succumbed to an inexplicable desire to read young adult literature on multiple occasions and I'm not sure I can keep "Twilight"s beckoning ridiculousness at bay much longer. Which is why I decided that it's time to remind you all of the event I gratefully look forward to more with each passing day.
PSSWR 2010: Virginana (May 26-whenever).
Now is the time, ladies, to consider booking your plane tickets. Whether you fly into Lynchburg, Charlottesville, or Richmond, we will find a way to make arrangements for your transport from the airport to Brigadoon. Several of my colleagues know of and are enthusiastically anticipating your arrival, and I'm hoping to have purchased my king-cab pick-up truck by then (the better to haul you all around with). I'll be reserving the boathouse for a Friday night party and it's possible that we'll be able to occupy two living spaces on campus (if one of my friends is out of town, she's offered her house to us). It is also possible that one of my students will be living across the street from and working on a project with me for part of the summer, but if that's the case, it just means we'll have a wine minion.
I'm kidding.
Sort of.
But a Pool Boy would certainly be nice, if one of you could arrange for one.
And I'm not kidding.
Anyway... so, who is definitely in and how shall we begin the travel planning? Honestly, I wish you were all coming yesterday.
BIRTHDAYS!!!
They were your birthdays! They were your birthdays! What great days they were for your birthdays! BOCK, BOCK, BOCK!!!
To Samantha and boobarella... I am so friggin' far behind on things... But I love you both, desperately.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
Baby Envy and Toy Confusion or A Tale of Woe by Three Dachshunds
I realize it's been ages since I actually posted anything, but to be honest I haven't actually ridden Muni in almost 9 months now. Don't get me wrong, just because I'm not riding the Muni doesn't mean I don't have issues, it's just they aren't all that impressive anymore. So on to the story!
We actually thought my mom's dog Gunther was going to have issue with the new baby, due to his past before he was rescued, but by all accounts he was quite content lurking beneith the high chair waiting for the teething biscuits to drop. The dog with the actual issue was Reggie. She was mortified that we brought something so cute and helpless into her house. She barked and growled and showed signs of great distress when we fed M with a spoon. Jealosy quickly rose up. "What is this?" thought Reggie, "a new Princess? Off with her head!" To make matters worse M got more dresses than Reggie for christmas, had nicer toys, and had a bigger crate (playpen). Someone was not happy and spent most of her time barking at the new Princess in her "crate" playing with all her toys. It was certainly quieter when we returned home.
When we returned home Clifford had no issues. He didn't even bat an eye lash when M scootched across the floor on her rear to his toy basket and pulled out all the dog toys and began to play with them. The only toy confusion on Clifford's part was when a Great Uncle gave M a "Tickle Me Elmo" doll. M loved it, Clifford thought it was great and there has been much sharing of the Elmo doll. Elmo starts in the living room, ends up in the dining room, back to the nursry, back to the dining room. Elmo in his few short hours with us has seen a lot of the house. He now resides on the dining room table. No wonder he was the "IT" toy when he first came out! But that's the thing about baby toys, they are not all that much different than dog toys. They are both plush, usually have a squeeker or mechanical thing inside them, and are roughly the same size. Go figure. Though this doesn't quite explain my daughter's facination, despite my opposition, with the raw hide chew toys on the floor. Perhaps it's a teething thing. But again, Clifford is willing to share despite it all.
We actually thought my mom's dog Gunther was going to have issue with the new baby, due to his past before he was rescued, but by all accounts he was quite content lurking beneith the high chair waiting for the teething biscuits to drop. The dog with the actual issue was Reggie. She was mortified that we brought something so cute and helpless into her house. She barked and growled and showed signs of great distress when we fed M with a spoon. Jealosy quickly rose up. "What is this?" thought Reggie, "a new Princess? Off with her head!" To make matters worse M got more dresses than Reggie for christmas, had nicer toys, and had a bigger crate (playpen). Someone was not happy and spent most of her time barking at the new Princess in her "crate" playing with all her toys. It was certainly quieter when we returned home.
When we returned home Clifford had no issues. He didn't even bat an eye lash when M scootched across the floor on her rear to his toy basket and pulled out all the dog toys and began to play with them. The only toy confusion on Clifford's part was when a Great Uncle gave M a "Tickle Me Elmo" doll. M loved it, Clifford thought it was great and there has been much sharing of the Elmo doll. Elmo starts in the living room, ends up in the dining room, back to the nursry, back to the dining room. Elmo in his few short hours with us has seen a lot of the house. He now resides on the dining room table. No wonder he was the "IT" toy when he first came out! But that's the thing about baby toys, they are not all that much different than dog toys. They are both plush, usually have a squeeker or mechanical thing inside them, and are roughly the same size. Go figure. Though this doesn't quite explain my daughter's facination, despite my opposition, with the raw hide chew toys on the floor. Perhaps it's a teething thing. But again, Clifford is willing to share despite it all.
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